10 tips on how to win your husband’s heart (extract from the book, our story )
Before we get started let us as wives remind ourselves of one very important fact, our husbands are our ticket to paradise insha’Allah
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3254 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah’s Messenger (saws) said, “When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of Paradise she wishes.”
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286 Narrated by Umm Salamah
The Prophet (saws) said: “If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise.”
So keeping the husband happy not only makes us happy, but insha’Allah will make Allah happy with us too. So how do we please our husbands? Here are some key points to keep in mind:
1- Respect. More than anything else men wish to be respected by their wives. Respect has many forms such as obeying his wishes, talking in a decent manner (even when angry ), avoiding arguing.
2- Admiration. Men want to feel they are admired by their wives in all ways. Do not be too shy to tell him how good he looks or how clever he is. Make him feel you only have eyes for him and that you think the world of him.
3- Appreciation. Show your appreciation to what he does for you and the family on a daily basis. Do not take his working outside the house and providing for you for granted. Thank him and express your gratitude for his hard work.
4- Love him the way that pleases him. It is very important to show your husband how much you love him. Men want reassurance in this matter just as much as women do. But also make sure you do it in ways that pleases your husband. You may want to be shown love in a way that your husband dislikes and vice versa. It’s not enough to do the right thing, we need to do the right thing right
5- Obedience. For some women this can be a sticky topic but it need not to be. Allah knows His creation more than anyone else can ever. Allah made us in certain ways and He knows what each of us men and women need to be happy. Allah has made the structure of the family that the man is the head of the household and the wife should obey her husband (of course not in anything that is against Allah’s commands). The beautiful thing about it, is that Allah has made that the source of happiness and peace in the house AND a source of reward for the wife. Allah knows that women are more sentimental and more emotionally patient than men. And Allah knows that we can perform this task even though it may be difficult at times. When you are facing a difficult situation when you have to swallow your pride and maybe anger know that you are doing it for Allah’s sake and that it is your fight in this life and insha’Allah your key to paradise. This hadith is a great reflection on that matter:
In a Hadeeth on the authority of Ibn ‘Abbaas may Allaah be pleased with him it was mentioned that a woman came to the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ), and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I am a delegate [from a group of] women and there are none of them, whether she knows or does not know that I would come to you, except she would want me to come to you. Allah The Almighty is the Lord of both men and women and their God, and you are the Messenger of Allah, for both men and women. Allah has prescribed Jihaad for men only; if they are victorious, their reward is great, and if they die as martyrs, they are alive with their Lord, receiving sustenance. [For women], which act of obedience is equal in reward to this?” The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), replied: “Obeying their husbands and (being aware of and) fulfilling their rights; and few of you do that.”[At-Tabaraani and ‘Abdul-Raaziq] Here, the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), equated the reward of making Jihaad to that of the wife obeying her husband.
6- Taking care of yourself. This is VERY important and can’t be stressed enough. Especially in the world we live in today and the seductions men are faced with on a daily basis. You need to take care of your looks and beautify yourself for your husband every day as much as possible. You need to try your upmost best to maintain your physical appearance. It deeply affects the relationship between husband and wife. Do not fool yourself with statements like my husband should love me either way. Yes it is true that love is much deeper than appearances and a husband should love his wife either way. However, there is human nature that we can’t and shouldn’t ignore. Men are attracted to beautiful women so as a wife you should do your upmost best that your husband has no reason to be attracted to anyone but you. Wear nice clothes each day (inside the house), put perfume on, do your make up and try to keep your weight in check. It’s hard for women to maintain their weight especially after childbirth and aging and sometimes it can only be done by always watching what you consume and exercise. But if you do put in the effort you will be rewarded for it and you will have a happier marriage, not to mention the health benefits you yourself will enjoy.
7- Balance your many tasks. As a wife and mother insha’Allah you will have many tasks to take care of and all of them are of paramount importance. You need to take care of the management of the house, the cooking (most of the time ), cleaning, the bringing up of your children, yourself, your husband, your faith and relationship with Allah…etc. One of the best things you can do when it comes to all of these responsibilities is finding balance. For example, if you’re home all day it can be very easy to get caught up in cleaning, so much so that you don’t spend quality time with your children. Or you may get so caught up in taking care of all your household duties that you neglect your spiritual state. It’s important you try and find a balance and try to make sure that everything takes its share. Insha’Allah you can read some tips on how to find your balance and organize your time later in the book.
8- Do not burden your husband with more than he can bear. This is especially true when it comes to financing. One of the best things you can do as a wife and will be very appreciated by your husband is to live within your means. Do not burden him with requests that will make him feel inadequate as a husband and a man. Men are very sensitive to these issues even if they are not verbal about it. Insha’Allah you can read some tips on how to be wise with your budgeting later on in the book.
9- Share his interests. While many women may find it hard to get excited about football , boxing, fishing…or whatever other manly interest your husband is into, it’s very important to show interest in what your husband likes at least some of the time. Love dynamics change in a marriage with time and a big part of marriage success will rely on the friendship between the spouses. Laughing together, sharing interests and helping each other are all keys to keep the friendship strong.
10- Strengthen your relationship with Allah. The closer you get to Allah, the more the people around you including your husband will love you. You will have a light in you that surpasses any physical beauty, it will attract the people around you to your true beauty. Allah will always be there for you, pray to Him always and ask Him in your prayers to instil love in your husband’s heart for you and to help you please him.